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Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo
If it's meant to be, it'll be(:
"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"
don't think, just run
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Maybe it's the Music
I've been in a sort of melancholic mood lately, despite friends, a ceaseless stream of hugs, and keeping busy. I suppose there are always those moments, sometimes in the deafening silence of my apartment, or amidst the most crowded and noisy places where one feels a specific emptiness, coaxing you into thinking about issues you'd rather suppress, or pondering on thoughts that you didn't even know existed within you. I wouldn't call it loneliness, afterall, how can one be lonely whilst surronded by people? Sometimes it comes in the form of a quiet aching, a pang of heartbreak, a need. Sometimes a wonderful sense of contentment and peace. It varies, and like all things in my life, both extremes are felt, simultaneously, heart-wretchingly, gloriously. It's insane. It's me.
I've had countless heart-to-hearts in the recent days, unplanned, uncalled for, just the way they should be. And it's the nicest thing in the world, to be invited into another's heart and to be able to open up yours without doubt or reservation. I've been so incredibly blessed with such amazing friends and sometimes when I lay in bed at night, I find myself staring at up and the ceiling in awe of how lucky I am. Corny, yes. True, most definitely. (:
And as things go, everyone asks me "How's life? How do you like it in NZ?" and in all honesty, it's really growing on me. I'm just in a really happy place. Maybe with time came friends, comfort and a certain familiarity that has given me a reassuring confidence in my split decision that yes, I'm gonna pack my bags and go. But even as i stepped out of the plane on the night of the 9th of March, I knew. Sure, I found "Wonderful - Everclear", the first song that played when I got into my cousin's car, me aching for home and full of doubts, a tad bit ironic at that point of time, but I somehow knew it was the right decision.
I do miss everything about home, though. Singapore will always be Home. And the best of friends constantly remind me, even when I dread to think about it, how sick I am for Home. But maybe this is part of growing up. For me, to begin leading my "Double Life" - I know it can be done.
Trust. In something bigger than us, something all-knowing, all-encompassing, beautiful beyond our imagination. And, Peace will come (: Slowly, often painfully so, but it will. (:
p.s. zam ma waiwai! :D :D :D :D :D
ex-oh, ex-oh
7:48 PM
